Friday, July 15, 2011

You never let go

I'm sitting on the bed the other night watching DH play with his phone. He is funny, likes to mess with the alarm tones almost every night. Says he will sleep through it if it's the same noise too many days in a row. I'm sitting laughing at him and his annoying sound effects, when he proudly announces  "Hey babe I changed your ring tone!". "Ok so what you got going now?" He plays it. Its the chorus to David Crowder Bands Never Let Go. "Why that song?" "Because you never let go of me."

I feel sorta guilty truth be told. After I found out he was cheating, I began the process of letting go right away. After I found out that it was so much worse that just that girl, that it was years and years of a hidden life, I was bent on remembering everything he confessed so I could hate him. I couldn't look at him, I felt sick if he even came near me. I wanted that to last, I wanted him to stay repulsive. Even had a hard time looking at my children, they look so much like him. The last thing in the world I wanted was to hold on to him, any good memory of him, anything at all to do with him. My prayers (when I started to pray again) were more like Lord please I need money to start over with my kids. Definitely not Lord please save this marriage.
I had let him go a hundred different ways.
God never let him go. He helped us both, and was working on stuff I couldn't see.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) 

There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. (Proverbs 23:18)

If you are in a spot of no hope please remember God loves you. He is working on stuff you cant see right now. 
I had let go of all my hope, my Father never did.
And I thank Him for it every day.

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