Its been awhile since I have posted.
It felt like I hit a stand still months back. Like a person who works out. That last 5-10 pounds that no matter what you do, doesn't go away. Or with me its, the word museum. No matter how slowly I say it, or how many people try to correct me it still comes out sounding like "moozam". Annoying but something you just have to learn to deal with, it will never change. I was like that with the last bit of my pain, just learning to live with it since it wasn't going anywhere. And I was OK with it, since I was used to it, and it didn't seem to be getting worse.
One evening after dropping my daughter at a sleep over I decided to go on a drive, just me and God, some time to clear my head. In the car with worship on, at night just driving for however long it takes. It works for me, lets me really focus and just pray and listen for His response.
About an hour in after pouring my heart out and still not knowing what was troubling me I sort of looked around and noticed what road I was one. I was literally around the corner from the last woman my husband cheated on me with. I street I avoid. A street that can still make my mood take a major dive.
I felt like God was leading to drive down it. I didn't fight it, I did as I was told. The song on the radio at the time was Chris Tomlin's "I Will Follow". As I drove down the street the anxiety was leaving, and being replaced with utter calm. By the time I was looking at her house I was driving so slowly I had nearly stopped, I was absentmindedly signing along with the song. I felt so clearly the presence of God at the exact moment I sang the line "Who You love, I'll love". I knew it was my answer. I drove away whole. I had meant what I sang. God heard my prayers and lead me to where I needed to be and showed me what I needed to do. I had forgiven that woman, but I had never loved. And suddenly she wasn't the enemy, she was just a hurt girl trying in all the wrong places to find love. She had hoped with my husband that she had found a friend, a love someone who would be there for her. But sadly just like others before for him and probably after him... she had found a man that would just pursue her to satisfy his desires then toss her aside. She is so broken and is putting up with repeated disrespect, thinking its just something that can,t be changed, something to live with.
I belted out the rest of that song and continued to drive, wanting to continue my talk with God. I was so grateful for the release of the pressure within my soul, so happy I couldn't keep smiling and crying. The rest of that drive I could see all the possibility's for my life opening up in front of me. I do want to follow Him anywhere, I do want to love who He loves, and I do want to serve who He serves. Just like the song says, "In You there's freedom for my soul".
That was months ago. And the crazy free feeling I have hasn't lessened.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
I have a feeling that maybe DH and I have come full circle (or at least closer to) and its time to start using what has happened to help others. God has promised that He can and will use everything for good. He doesn't want anyone to settle with what you think can never change, something you think you just have to deal with.
Oh and by the way.... I just tried it, and I can say it correctly! Museum.
Well that confirms it, anything can change, I have proof.