dirty bullet

I think perhaps the biggest lesson I learned over the past few years is that everything is a choice.

Your standing next to your husband. You dont see him, but the enemy, YOUR enemy the devil is there. He is always there, waiting, watching looking for the right moment. He sees it, and shoots. He obliviously wants to kill hubby with the sin of adultery, he is the devil after all. He deserved to be shot, he was awful right? But... now listen to what I'm saying, I have walked this trail and seen the traps, let me warn you.  
He shot you both.
He intended to shoot your husband dead on, and is hoping he will die fast due to his sins. But you? He only grazed you trying to get to him right? Your not hurt right?
No he didn't miss. He just wants you to die slower. He doesn't fight fair, those bullets he used are dirty and poisoned. He wants that little wound you have to become infected, beyond the point of help, he wants you to suffer a long and painful death. He has absolutely no mercy for you. He is hoping that by watching you die so slowly, it will eventually kill your kids as well. Maybe it will poison their lives, their future relationships, their children even. Its all just a bonus to him.

Jeez thanks for that Kings Daughter, could you paint an uglier picture please?

John 10:10
The thief comes only so that he can steal and kill and destroy

He isn't like the cartoons make him out to be, the devil isn't just running around trying to make mischief.
The bible talks about the church being the bride and Jesus groom. What better way to hurt a groom than torturing his bride?

Now I understand you had no choice about you or your husband being shot. But you do have choices now. Of course their are the choices about whether to stay or leave. Those aren't the choices I'm talking about, I'm talking about the choice to clean your wound. I figure there are lots of you out there, like me who decided to ignore it. It doesn't hurt that bad. Oh but it will. I ignored my cut for months, and even after I noticed it I decided not to treat it.

I was NOT going to be the victim. It was NOT going to hurt me. I could be fine without hubby, see? Look at me planning dinner dates with girlfriends, giant parties for the kids, out and about getting mani's and pedi's with the ladies.
Choosing not to hurt at all sounds like the strong thing to do. In reality its the fastest way to become hard. You shut that door on feeling unpleasant emotions, you will also be shutting the door on feeling the really great ones to. This personally was my biggest problem with choices. I had to let God show me how to feel again, it was scary not gonna lie.  Taking that lock off my heart was the best thing I could have ever done. Its a freeing feeling knowing I dont have to be fine all the time. 

I hated him. I hated what he did. And I hated the women. Its OK to be mad, its really, really, really OK to be pissed. But please heed my warning, be very careful not to hate. I would scream at my husband and take the lowest digs I could till he cried. Then with venom tell him what a loser he was for crying. Trust me that's a hard one to choose to let go of after you pick it up.

Its not fair! Its true, it isn't fair, not even a little bit. This might be the toughest one, but choosing to focus on the fairness will eat you up in the end.  If you choose on never letting this one go, bitterness will take hold of you. That small graze you got, will become completely infected. The infection acts like a cancer. Its vicious and I have seen it take over lives. Destroying not only the women who chose to hold onto it, but their friendships, family relationships, their childrens attitudes, even their careers.
Think about some of the most unpleasant people you have ever met, I would be willing to bet they let bitterness spread a long time ago. Now they are left permanently infected.

You dont have to be a victim to feel.
You dont have to hate when you are angry.
You dont have torture yourself with all the ways its unfair.
Its your choice.